When Something Doesn't Feel Right

Families talk with us about all kinds of things.  

Sometimes it’s sleep schedules, child development, or getting everyone out the door in the morning. Sometimes it’s housing, groceries, transportation, or a stressful week. 

And sometimes, once a relationship has had time to grow, the conversation turns to something harder. 

A partner who makes them feel afraid. 

Someone controlling where they go, who they talk to, or how money is spent. 

A relationship that simply doesn’t feel safe. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. At the Family Resource Center, this month gives us an opportunity to talk about one part of family support that may not always be visible: creating space for people to talk about their relationships and helping them connect safely with the right support when concerns come up. 

Why We Ask About Relationships 

Our work starts with relationships. 

Getting to know a family means learning about what’s going well, what’s creating stress, and what support might be helpful. Relationships at home can be part of that conversation. 

In some of our programs, staff use a tool called the Relationship Assessment Tool to guide questions about relationships and safety. 

The questions can open the door to conversation about healthy, unhealthy, or potentially abusive behaviors and give someone an opportunity to share concerns they may not have known how to bring up on their own. 

A person may choose to share a lot, a little, or nothing at all. 

Our job is to listen. 

When a Conversation Raises Concerns 

If something someone shares suggests they may be experiencing intimate partner violence, our role becomes especially important. 

We’re not domestic violence crisis advocates, and we don’t try to take the place of organizations that specialize in this work. 

What we can do is respond with care. 

Our staff receives ongoing training from Response Domestic & Sexual Violence Support Center, including In Her Shoes, an experiential training that helps participants better understand the choices someone may face in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Staff work through different scenarios and then talk together about healthy, unhealthy, and abusive behaviors, barriers to seeking help, and resources available in our communities. 

Response continues to offer this training as needed for new FRC staff and as a refresher for our team. It helps our staff recognize concerns, think carefully about how we respond, and understand when someone may need more specialized help.  

We can listen without judgment, help someone think about what support they may want, and connect them with professionals who have specific expertise in domestic and sexual violence, like Response Domestic & Sexual Violence Support Center.

Knowing Who to Bring In 

Strong family support doesn’t mean one organization has every answer. 

Sometimes supporting a family means knowing who else should be at the table. 

Response provides confidential, trauma-informed services for people affected by domestic and sexual violence throughout Northern New Hampshire. Their advocates can help with safety planning, court advocacy, emergency shelter, hospital accompaniment, and other resources. Their services are free and confidential, with offices in Berlin, Lancaster, Littleton, and Colebrook. 

That expertise matters. 

A Family Resource Center home visitor or Family Support Specialist may already have a trusted relationship with someone. Response brings specialized knowledge about domestic violence, safety, advocacy, and available options. 

Those roles can work alongside one another. 

The FRC can continue supporting the everyday pieces of family life while helping someone connect with the specialized support they choose.  

Seeking help can come with complicated decisions. Someone may be thinking about their children, housing, finances, transportation, work, safety, or what could happen if their partner learns they’re asking for help. Response’s In Her Shoes training helps staff consider some of those barriers and remember that we may not know everything someone is weighing when they decide what comes next. 

Information Should Be Shared Safely 

When intimate partner violence may be present, even something as simple as handing someone a brochure or leaving a voicemail can require thought. 

A partner may monitor a phone, email, transportation, finances, or belongings. 

That’s why our staff are trained to think about safety when sharing information. We don’t assume we know what someone should do next. We listen, offer options, and help connect them with specialized support in a way that considers their individual situation. 

The person experiencing the relationship knows their circumstances best. 

That idea is important to both trauma-informed care and the way we work alongside families at the FRC. 

Support Can Start with a Conversation 

Not every difficult relationship looks the same. 

Someone may know they’re experiencing abuse. Someone else may simply know that something doesn’t feel right. 

They may be ready to reach out for specialized help, or they may still be figuring out what they want to do. 

There is room for that. 

At the Family Resource Center, we want families to know they can talk with us about the things affecting their lives. We’ll listen, take concerns seriously, and help connect them with the right people when more specialized support is needed. 

For domestic, sexual, or intimate partner violence support, Response Domestic & Sexual Violence Support Center offers free and confidential services throughout the North Country. Their 24-hour support line is 1-866-662-4220. 

If you’re already connected with the Family Resource Center and something doesn’t feel right in your relationship, you can also talk with a trusted member of your FRC team. 

You don’t have to have all the words before starting the conversation.